I was trying to process … the pressure I felt to be a ‘perfect mother’

Introduction

Family is the prototype on which human relationships are built. Reaching outwards in increasingly tenuous and elastic ways, it become the model for groups and communities… symbolically for the notion of nationhood. Where the biological model of the family fails, Wittgenstein’s notion of family kicks in – that things can be connected by a network of overlapping similarities, rather than a single common feature. But just as families connect us, embrace us, they can also constrain. The negotiation of family life is a balance between individuality and collective identity; between one’s own needs and wants and those of others. If this were simply a matter for each family, each community, to choose for themselves, things might be easier. But tradition, ideology, religion, and the ubiquitous mythologies of advertising all bring external pressures to conform to the expectations of others. Expectations that are often impossible to square the one with another. No more so than in the expectations enshrined in the contemporary iconography of perfect motherhood.

Olga Steinepreis is an artist. She has also, in her own words, spent the past decade on maternity leave. However, as an artist she has not suspended work, but turned her creative focus upon the very challenges she faces as a mother in a modern European country. “On social networks and in the media, I see beautiful mothers with many children,” she says, “They dance or go to the gym, handle the kids’ conflicts perfectly, go on romantic dinners with their husband… Why do I seem unable to do anything?” Her project grew from simply documenting the demands of motherhood to evolve into more metaphorical narratives of multitasking, increasingly haunted by the ghost of personal need; for time to rest or simply get out of the house.

But nothing is simple. Her portraits of her children reflect the deep love she feels for them. In other bodies of work, she evokes the tearing sadness she feels at being separated from her own mother and father, first by the pandemic and later by war. And, most recently, her visual meditations ponder the nature of identity as perceived by oneself in contrast to how one is seen by others. It is in that untraversable territory between self and others, and in the gravitation pull of love and connection, that the tropes of tradition and stereotypes of mass mediation insinuate themselves and take root. Olga Steinepreis shines a light into that contested space, creating imagery that grows from the daily experience of being an individual, a daughter, a mother… and an artist.

Alasdair Foster

---

Interview

When did you begin making photographs and what was it drew you to the medium?

For me, photography has always been a companion in life. My father was an avid photographer, and he took a lot of pictures, developing them and printing them at home. I was captivated by the beauty of the contours emerging on paper. This is what fascinates me, and this is what I am interested in seeing and doing.

I started to really dive into photography after I had my first child. I wanted to learn how to create beautiful portraits of my son and our family and started to study online. However, I really became serious about photography when my third child was born. I think it’s quite a common pattern. When mothers have a child, they want to capture all those precious moments taking photographs to preserve their memories. It was then that I received my first full-frame SLR camera, something I had long dreamed of.

This was the time of the Covid pandemic and online education had become much more popular and widespread. I was fortunate enough to find a good school that taught not only basic camera technique but also a lot about the interrelationship between art history and contemporary photography. This new perspective, this new world of art and photography and ideas, instantly absorbed me.

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘Maternity 24/7’ 2021

What was it you wanted to explore in images such as those in ‘Maternity 24/7’?

I realised that taking beautifully posed family portraits didn’t interest me as much as shooting ordinary moments in our lives through the prism of my feelings as a mother. Thinking about the way women must always be alert in the constant presence of their baby, learning to cope with everything.

This was my first attempt to reflect on the bitter fact that we live in the sway of advertising and social media stereotypes. These stereotypes promote the idea that having a child doesn’t change things very much; that it is easy for a mother with small children to look great, be active, have hobbies, and keep a house clean. Society expects us to live up to these ideals, but the truth is that juggling all of this is exhausting. Motherhood is a 24/7 job with little time for rest.

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘Fragile World’ 2022

In ‘Fragile World’ you adopt a more metaphorical approach to creating narrative in your images. How did this approach come about?

As with all my series, it began with one or two shots… I decided to explore this idea further, building a new paper world, perfect to live in. It was the period following the Covid epidemic. So much had changed and we had become accustomed to adapting quickly to the new rules. There was little use in planning anything, because tomorrow everything may have changed. It left me with a sense of unpredictability; a loss of the stability I had once taken for granted… Which is what this series seeks to capture.

The colour palette is very subdued…

Yes, I wanted to create an impression of calmness, to reinforce the idealised nature of this paper world. There is some blue there – my favourite colour, the colour of tranquillity. And orange, which is the complement to blue on the colour wheel

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘Fragile World’ 2022

In the last picture in the series, we see a man’s hand about to light a match; in the background is a map of the world. What did you seek to suggest here?

I wanted this final image to emphasise the whole idea of this series: just how fragile our world is. Because we all know that paper can be destroyed by fire, reminding us that this world could disappear at any moment. And it’s not up to the individual residents of this world to decide if and when that may happen. We live with the illusion of security and stability, yet when I consider the events taking place in the world, the current global situation, I am led to reflect upon these things.

Well, whether this particular match is struck or not, no one knows… So, for now, everyone continues to live their lives…

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘(Un)Broken Borders’ 2023

What is the story behind ‘(Un)Broken Borders’?

I began this work during the Covid pandemic when travel became very difficult. My mother and father live in another country and, before the outbreak, it was not a problem to travel back and forth. While they required a visa, my parents were able to visit us two or three times a year. And we visited them, though not as often. It was an important part of my life.

With the pandemic, travel became impossible. And later when the lockdown eased it still required a lot of financial planning and restrictions on travel. Then a war began, bringing new challenges for families. Now, my children rarely see their grandparents and I worry about it.

How did you address these feelings in the work?

In this series I create an illusion, as if my parents could once again visit us and we could spend time together. In reality, the last time they were able to visit us was in 2019 and I doubt that they will be able to come again anytime soon.

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘(Un)Broken Borders’ 2023

How did creating this work make you feel personally? Did you find the process therapeutic?

This is a very difficult, very personal subject for me… it touches my deepest feelings. Every time I read the description of this series I cannot restrain my tears. And when I look at these collages, I think about all the moments that didn’t happen. It’s hard to say if it was in any way therapeutic. I never stop missing my parents or dreaming they will come back… but it is a situation over which I have little influence, so there’s probably some degree of acceptance at this point. Looking at these collages, I dream that the situations they depict will become reality. Maybe soon, maybe not, but it will definitely happen. It must…

You are perhaps best known for your series ‘I’ve Had a Dream…’ How did that begin?

It started with just a few individual works. I was trying to process my feeling of being overwhelmed by the endless cycle of daily chores; the pressure I felt to be a ‘perfect mother’. As I continued working, I realised that these images were all connected by a common theme: that it’s a struggle to balance personal identity with the demanding roles of motherhood.

I immersed my heroine in a surreal dream about her needs and desires, about what she would have been doing in her old life before having children. Perhaps, for her, reality has already begun to merge with her dream… The question of what would happen were she to continue living at this pace remains uncertain…

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘I’ve had a Dream…’ 2023

Is there one particular image with which you especially identify?

For me, the theme is revealed in the totality of the series and not in a single shot. However, as an example, the photo of my heroine with three heads. It portrays a situation I face daily, when my children all speak at the same time. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants an answer and all their questions are unrelated. I would need to have an extra head or two to listen to everyone, understand everything, and make my answer. This is a surrealistic image but the problem it depicts is all too real.

What would you like viewers to take away from this work?

I am particularly interested in the role of women in our society. And through this series, I wanted to reflect on gender roles and the identity of women. In the contemporary world, there are huge demands placed on a woman and she needs much more understanding and support from both her family and wider society. The very idea of motherhood should not just be about the sacrifice of one’s own interests in favour of home and family. There must be a balance. And through this work I hope to start a discussion about such social change.

© Olga Steinepreis – from the series ‘I’ve had a Dream…’ 2023

Do you think it is getting harder or easier for mothers bringing up children?

On one level, life has become easier in the household. You do not need to wash clothes or dishes by hand, there are machines to do that for you. (Although let’s not forget that loading and unloading machines takes time.) But it seems to me that psychological pressure has increased a lot. The degree of criticism a mother receives from outside the family. For example, if you give your child a hand-held device in a restaurant, you will definitely receive a disapproving look from other tables. Does this mother not know that such devices can be harmful to young children? They never consider that this may be the only time all week that the child will get to play with it, and that this meal is the only opportunity these parents will have to spend an evening together enjoying their dinner in peace.

How do viewers respond to your work?

I have received a lot of feedback on my work about motherhood, and this has been important to me. Usually, women write to me saying that they can see themselves in my images. Other people, including men, write about their understanding of these ideas and their significance. But some comments are less positive. I have received messages advising me that I should have had fewer children… Still, I’m always interested in such discussions because that’s the only way to bring attention to the issue. That’s how things can begin to change.

[Left] © Olga Steinepreis ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’
[Centre] © Olga Steinepreis ‘Poured into Glasses’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’
[Right] © Olga Steinepreis ‘Gone with the Wind’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’

Much of your work explores ideas around identity and the roles we play. In ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’ you address this more directly.

This work began with an experiment. My friends and I decided to each shoot something using mirrors. I created a collage from fragments of mirror and photographed myself reflected in it. Since then, I have been unable to stop experimenting with mirrors and optical effects.

For me, this series is about how people perceive themselves. They see a distorted version of themselves, focus on some flaw in their appearance. This is because the brain shapes the way we perceive visual information. The image that the brain constructs may be very different from the way a person actually looks to other people. We can be overly influenced by external stereotypes so that, if a person looks in the mirror and sees ‘flaws’, they feel that they must eliminate them and strive for some ideal. An ideal that may well not exist. I see beauty in diversity, and so I look for different kinds of image in these reflections and refractions.

[Left] © Olga Steinepreis ‘Underwater Nymph’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’
[Centre] © Olga Steinepreis ‘Kaleidoscope’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’
[Right] © Olga Steinepreis ‘Circus’ 2023 from the series ‘A Stranger in the Mirror’

Your approach in this work is less literal, less narrative than the earlier works. What led you to this shift in the way you visualise your ideas?

I really enjoy experimenting with materials, in this case mainly mirrors and liquids that refract. At first, I have an idea of a refractive or reflective material I can use. I take some shots and look at the results, think about the visual effect they show. Sometimes, I am inspired by something I see. Once, I noticed a kaleidoscope in the playground. I thought about it for a while and then created my own version with mirrors.

I am really enjoying this experimentation with reflections and refractions. This series has recharged my battery, with every shot I get some new positive energy.

In making your work, what have you learned about yourself that you did not previously know or understand?

First of all, I’m not only a mother but also an artist. That’s very important to me. And I hope through my work to continue the conversation about the social changes that need to be made to support mothers in finding balance in their lives.

---

---

This interview is a Talking Pictures original.

---